Candies and Chillies

Deprivation

2010-09-01T21:26:00.002+08:00

Thinking of going to SMU?

Then start choosing between living a normal life and good grades.

Want to choose both? Fight for the world to have 48 hours a day, and fight with your body to ensure that you can choose not to sleep for a week.

I need 2 pieces of A4 paper!

2010-06-30T04:20:00.001+08:00

A4 paper was what I needed, so I can print out the indemnity forms for SMU sports camp and SMUX camp. Why is it so hard to find unused A4 paper in my house?!

Ups and downs

2010-05-30T04:19:00.003+08:00

I believe, like what Isaac Newton says; what goes up must come down.

Many choose NOT TO believe it and hold the hope that whatever goes up, stays "up". But what they don't understand is that gravity works in weird ways, what goes up definitely does come down. How long does it stay "up" and how long it takes to climb back "up " again, we do not know. What we do know is that it will go up again, it's how hard we push and how hard we fight.

Nobody can predict anything, but everyone can write their own future, so if we want something to stay up, we have to fight for it, never get complacent. At least then you will know that you did your best and if it "fell" it "fell" and you are not to be blamed for it. But if what went "up" comes "down" because of complacency or because simply, we choose to conveniently not put in anymore effort, I feel that whatever that went "up" deserves to come back "down" and we deserve the "down" period in our life. No questions asked.

On a side note: World of Warcraft is addictive; super addictive and probably the best game in the world.

Grey's Anatomy

2010-05-26T13:26:00.001+08:00

It's always about someone sleeping around! Bah! I want to see more surgeries!

I had so much fun, I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms!!!

2010-05-15T23:18:00.004+08:00

14 May 2010, Friday

The day started with me leaving ZOUK and going home, I finally got to sleep at 5am; after chatting on Skype with Goh Cai Xia! Well, as expected, I couldn't wake up later on! I was supposed to be awake at 10am and go down to IDP at Orange Road before going to LaSelle for Iris' BA(HONS) recital. Obviously, I woke up late -- at 11am, bathed and rushed down for rehearsal. Yes I was late for the SECOND and LAST rehearsal I have before the performance.

We rehearsed Joan Tower's Piano Concerto from 12:30 all the way to 1430. Mr conductor finally decided we could leave for lunch and so we did. I joined BHSO's Flautist, Violist and Chun Kwang for lunch, went back to the dressing rooms at around 1530 and changed and got ready for the recital! I would say I hated that song because I have a time signature change in almost every single bar, but during recitals and concerts, the adrenaline rush gets to you and even the worst-sounding-20th-century piece would be awesomely exhilarating.

After rehearsal, I went over to the famous 37L Jervios Road where I attempted to sleep, but Goh Cai Xia deprived me of it! Anyway, I lazed around her room and watched her get ready before heading for dinner with DEAR EMILYN, Kenneth, Damien and Richard at East Coast Park! BWAHAHAHAHAH! We ordered SO MUCH FOOD, it was accomplishment that we had only 1/16th of the food left! We headed over to Emilyn's place after dinner where we played 'Blind-Mice" -- thanks to the suggestion from Kenneth, I got PUNCHED AND KICKED in my face TWICE! AND I WAS BLIND-MICE LIKE A THOUSAND MILLION TIMES! But it was FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUNNNNN! It was a lot alot of fun and I haven't had that in a long long long long time. (: I will gladly do that again, even if I have to be the "blind-mice" a trillion times! :D

11 May 2010, Goodbye, I still love you.

2010-05-12T01:39:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I broke your heart.

But I won't carry on when I think it's not fair.

I can't give you everything,

neither can I give up everything for you.

I'm sorry, but I still love you.

Fetish for television programmes at 3 to 4am

2009-09-18T03:27:00.003+08:00

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE watching television programmes at the weirdest hours. A lot of people think I'm weird because I would stay up till 3am or 4am just to catch a show that has repeats tomorrow. But what they don't know is that it's impossible for me to catch the repeats happening later on because I'll be so busy with stuff that needs to be done. Oh wells, congratulations to be for being an itchy backside and applying for a SATs date that is so close to deadline for "Reflections 2009" -- Performance and marketing and planning and also FYP amongst many other stuff.

But I was thinking, would I feel empty without a whole day packed with activities. YES. So taking all those into consideration, I guess watching television programmes at 3am or 4am is than a not so weird thing to do. Ok, I'm going off to watch 17 Kids and Counting.

And I totally love Discovery Home and Health! If you haven't got it, you need to walk into Starhub customer service when they open tomorrow morning and ask for Channel 70!

I love adrenaline packed days of running around, one activity/lesson/event after the other (:

The Time Traveller's Wife

2009-09-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

I watched The Time Traveller's Wife today.

Before the movie, I read the last part of the book (courtesy of Jolene) and thought, "wow" interesting story. The way the man travels through time and there can be two of the same person within one time frame; it was quite strange but interesting at the same time. So I went to watch the movie with anticipation.

I would say the movie was interesting, but it felt more like another romance movie, except that the man can travel through time.

The first part of the movie where the man (Henry) travelled back to when he was young and when they showed him always being together with the little girl, I thought it felt like Henry was a padeophile. But obviously that little girl is his future wife. Haha!

The first part of the movie was interesting for me because it unravelled the whole time-travelling part of the man, and it answered a lot of questions that I had before watching the show. Also the first part showed more interesting time-travels.

However, the second half of the movie to me was like another romance movie; just more intense. It's not that I am not a girl-like person and therefore did not feel "touched" by the Christmas Scenes, but I felt that that was quite common. At one point of time, it felt a little like "P.S I love you" except that there was a child in this movie.

Overall, I would say an interesting movie. But I think it's because I haven't really read the book yet, so I don't know about the missing details. If it were a movie stand-alone without any reference to the books, I would say it had interesting twists and turns, and it was quite an interesting twist to recent romance movies. (:

Coco Avant Chanel

2009-08-30T02:36:00.000+08:00

I have so much "free time" recently, I decided to make a list of movies, which I will be watching during the 5 weeks of semester break.

The first movie I took on was "Coco Avant Chanel" or also known as "Coco Before Chanel".

I liked the film, a lot, even though the front part was a little boring and long-winded. But I have to warn that the film is in French fully, with splatters of English here and there, spoken from a man in the show whom is supposedly English. Another thing about this film is that, it will probably only appeal to those whom

1. Interested in Fashion
2. People who live on Chanel
3. Those who appreaciate "arthouse-type" of movies

The reason is very simple, because the film is about the life of Coco Chanel; there are romantic scenes in her life as well, but bulk of the film talks about her life when she was young and how she rose to become a designer at her peak. It also shows a lot about woman of her era and how she changed the way woman dressed and the way man and the society perceives woman.

In conclusion, it is not a brainless show that people can just watch, and munch on their popcorn at the same time. It is an educational and informative show, both about the culture of France and the beginnings of Coco Chanel. If you watch closely, there are a lot of meanings hidden behind why Coco Chanel acted in a certain way when faced with situations in her life.

It is overall, a really interesting show for all arts and fashion buffs, and it's also something different for the masses to watch. I really liked the show, but obviously, not everyone walking along Orchard Road will think that the show is worth $10. (:

OH YES, I would also like to say "ALL THE WAY MAN-U! Good Job on winning Arsenal!!!" (((:

The Holidays are here again

2009-08-29T05:18:00.000+08:00

Well, RP has started our semester break, and it's going to last for 5 weeks. There isn't really much for me to do this time. I'm definitely not going overseas. Maybe I should just focus on FYP, RPSE and SATS.

I miss the "exam week" in RP, because everyday was like a time-bomb. You only have 45 minutes to score and excel in an exam you spent more than 45 hours studying for. And there is always an adrenaline rush when I'm typing in the UT Key to gain access to my UT questions. I actually think that feels good, it gives me the extra shot of energy and extra push to complete my UT. (: Obviously, not everyone in school likes UT, but I still choose to think that UTs are actually quite fun, provided you can answer the UT questions.

But the one thing I really disliked about UT this semester will be the time-slot I received for my tested modules. I got one test at 0830 and I had trouble staying awake during the ride to school. As for my test during 1630, it was worse because that is usually the time when I go home from school, and normally during then, I am sleeping as well. I either sleep in the taxi or the train on my way home. I also received a test time at 1400, this was bad because it's the kind of timing when you just finished your lunch, and really feel like taking a nap. The most irritating time of all would be 1100. I mean "hello!" 1100 is reserved for breakfast and "just waking up". I find that it is a really weird and in-between time it's neither here nor there, and I felt hungry and groggy at the same time. My stomach even growled during UT.

All in all, I still had fun during UT; I love typing fast, answering fast and than sitting around after I finished my UT, looking at peope panicking away. I am not mean, I just think that it is interesting watching the different reactions of panicking people. It is quite an experience!

So Good Morning all, I'm going back to bed.

Happy Holidays to all the RP people!

Or maybe not so "happy holidays" after all since most of us will be dragging ourselves back to school for FYP.

But still HAPPY HOLIDAYS to the lucky people in Year One and Two. :D

Something Funny

2009-07-23T10:59:00.000+08:00

My dad placed his thermos mug on the roof of the car while he assisted me with the moving of my Cello in the car. After that, he drove off happily; forgetting that the mug was still on the top of the car. In the end, the mug FELL off with a loud thud! And it seems like the mug is quite durable! Nothing broke; only a small chip off at the drinking area!

Ripieno 2009

2009-07-07T11:12:00.000+08:00

This concert was fun. Literally. I swopped places with the section leader, and sat at her "hot seat". The highlight though was that I dropped the bow. This is odd; I have always been so carful in holding my bow and instrument. But the first time I play the Viola in an orchestra and the first time I sat in the Viola Section Leader's seat, I dropped the bow. I'm just glad that it did not land loudly and that my bow did not break. This would also be one of the biggest Viola sections I've seen. Ten Violist! Oh well, had fun. But exhausted.

Viva La Symphonie III

2009-06-08T00:29:00.000+08:00

SUPPORT REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC WIND SYMPHONY'S

VIVA LA SYMPHONIE III

Being random.

2009-06-01T12:18:00.000+08:00

My Violin sound thingy costed me $68. But it was worth it. Very worth it; now my Violin sounds a lot stronger and basically, the E string sounds great. So yes, $68 is worth it.

The set of guitar strings I bought costed me $55. I feel really cheated for some odd reason. OH WELL, at least now my guitar is "fixed" by my FYP team mate(s) mainly Dom, but I guess the rest helped in tuning.

And my dad is a guitar-crazy right now. When I'm strumming some random old song, he comes into my room, takes the guitar away from me and starts strumming away. I do not usually get back the guitar until like an hour later. But it's great to see my dad enjoying himself over something he misses, and it's great to see him sing and strum the guitar like as though he is still 18. Something my mother misses I guess; because she just sits next to him and watches him with puppy-love-looking eyes. HA!

Anyway, on a sidenote, I'm going to Bintan/Batam (ANYBODY WANTS TO COME ALONG?). It's not planned yet, but it will happen. Than again, I rarely plan in advance. I basically just walk down to the travel agency or Singapore Airlines and purchase tickets and get hotel bookings, and the next day I'll be gone. So yes, I will be gone after my FYP mid-term assesment. (:

Oh yes, please support Ngee Ann Polytechnic's String and Concert Band concert at Victoria Concert Hall on 04 July 2009.

4 July 2009

2009-05-26T13:14:00.000+08:00

Ok. 4th of July is the United States of America Independence Day.

But, what is more important than that is that NGEE ANN STRINGS will be having a concert. And the RPSE people are guest-playing. TingHui, WanTing, XinRui and I will be playing for the concert. We will be playing with Ngee Ann Concert Band, so it should be an interesteing concert.

As the concert mistress of RPSE, I intend to make this concert compulsory for all RPSE memers whom are not playing for the concert. MWAHAHAHA!

DWA 2009 @ Sembawang Community Club

2009-05-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

This would be the last of the string of performances we have been doing for Sembawang Community Club. (:

I would say that I am extremely relieved that the whole chain of performances are over, but it was not that great an experience ending with DWA 2009. But than again, the RPSE girls made my day; AS USUAL.

So played the same songs, Barber of Seville Overture and Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. This time we have the addition of our future RPSE president and our principal double bassist, HO WANTING! (((((((:

I guess the real fun began when we finished the performance and headed to Causeway Point to catch the movie "17 Again" starring Zac Efron. This movie has been planned ever since the show started it's premiere and we finially got to watch it. I was not surprised at the selection of movie especially since all the performers for that night were all GIRLS and I would admit we were all quite crazy over Zac Efron for the role he played in the show. It was a good show and getting to Causeway Point for school was a SUPER DUPER ULTRA MEGA FUNNY experience.

Just imagine this.

Six 17-18 year old girls were squeezed at the back of the normal sedan car. HAHA. It was funny, with all the random laughter, the "numb buttocks" and all the sitting on each other's lap. It was hilarious and the expression of my dad at our ability to squeeze in was priceless. We were all just thankful that Causeway Point was only a 3 minutes drive away from the school. HAHA.

The day was tiring, but fun. I enjoyed being with all of them, and the endless teasing and laughter. (:

Sembawang EP Day and Sembawang Big Walk Performance

2009-04-03T05:40:00.000+08:00

I know that the events sounds totally unrelated to music.

BUT, trust me, the "aunties and uncles" enjoyed what we played.

1. Sembawang Emergency Preparedness Day 2009 @ Woodlands Drive 70 Block 717 (Hardcourt)

This performance was in a tent, pitched in a basketball court in the middle of HDB blocks of flats. The accoustics can be predicted easily; if they are nice, they would give you four or more condenser microphones. If they are not prepared, they will just give you normal microphones, if you get the amount you ask for, you are already lucky.

We could not really hear each other play, firstly because the speakers were facing away from us, and in the particular environment, it is a given that one would have to strain one's ear to hear the person sitting across. Secondly, it seems like we were fighting with all sorts of noises and sounds from every place. But I thought we played all right in "that sort" of situation.

Personally, I am not very convinced that we played super-duper-ultra-mega well. But it seems like the response from the ground or rather the "aunties and uncles" were very good and welcoming. Seems like they DO prefer us to rock bands. (:

Songs Performed:

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik (Andante)

Violin 1: Gillian Goh

Viola: Lee TingHui

Cello: Tan ShiHua and Tan XinRui

Kanon in D arranged for Strings

Violinist: Lee TingHui and Gillian Goh

Cellist: Tan ShiHua and Tan XinRui

2. Sembawang Big Walk 2009 @ Republic Polytechnic, Covered WalkwayOutside One-Stop-Center

For this performance, the logistics preparation was SO MUCH better! We requested for four condenser microphones, and the organiser actually replied by saying they can only provide one condenser microphones, but will ensure that there is a "normal" microphone for each instrument. THAT is what I call GOOD PLANNING and service. At least they try to do something to make up for the lack of condenser microphones.

Once again, the response from the ground was excellent. Everyone seemed to be very intrigued and interested in our performance. Of course, accoustics-wise; it was not THAT excellent because once again, we are in an open area with all sorts of unecessary noise inputs from everyone and everything around us.

But at least for this time, I could hear the person next to me. That was already good enough for the performing setting we were in.

Songs performed:

The Barber of Seville (Overture)

Violin 1: Guo Yan

Violin 2: Lee TingHui and Sri Cempaka

Viola: Gillian Goh (Me)

Cello: Tan ShiHua and Tan XinRui

Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin

Violinist: Lee TingHui and Gillian Goh (Me)

Cellist: Tan XinRui

Review of recent performance

2009-04-03T05:34:00.000+08:00

The people really "maketh" the ensemble.

Thank you to all of you.

Lee TingHui

Sri Cempaka

Tan ShiHua

Tan XinRui

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

The names are in alphebatical order;

it is not that I did not think of you first. HAHA!

Another STRING of STRINGS performances

2009-03-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

1. Emergency Preparedness Day 2009 (Sembawang Constituency)

Date: 22 March 2009, Sunday
Venue: Woodlands Drive 70, Block 717 Hardcourt
Time: 1030 - 1100

2. Sembawang Big Walk 2009

Date: 29 March 2009, Sunday
Venue: Republic Polytechnic (One of the lawns/Outside RPC)
Time: 1000-1130

3. DWA Nite 2009 (Sembawang Community Club, Youth Executive Committee)

Date: 25 April 2009, Saturday
Venue: Sembawang Community Club Function Hall
Time: 1900-2000

The performances came in at the right time.

I really need to immerse myself in performing.

Performing without a worry for anything and everything else in the world.

I am just wishing that this week will end quickly; and things will be over quickly.

THANK YOU MISS LEE TINGHUI

2009-03-09T15:20:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank my

Friend/BOSS/fellow violist/ensemble member/fellow crazy laughing person

for helping me to make my blog skin so PRETTY.

I know what matters in the blog is the content, which is why I never bothered to "pretty-fy" my blog skin. But since, there is such a NICE person on earth who volunteered to help me change my blog skin to make it nicer, I would not reject her offer! HAHA! SO

THANK YOU MISS LEE TINGHUI for helping me "pretty-fy" my blog skin.

And I hope it makes everyone's reading experience more enjoyable! (:

Sour-grape-ing or the fact?

2009-02-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

Someone mentioned something very intriguing to me. I do not know whether it is the truth or is my friend just "sour-grape-ing". I personally choose not to comment on this issue, but I think it is an issue worth inquisiting or just to ponder about when you really have nothing much to do with your boring and "no-life" life.

That person: You think you want to play tennis with me?

Me: Ok, sure. When?

That person: EHHH Wait, you still can play or not?

Me: It's been a long time, but I will get the hang of it after a few games; I guess.

That person: Better brush up on your tennis. It's important

Me: Why?

That person: Helps you get into Uni easier. Especially Singapore Universitites

Me: Huh?

That person: Yes, helps you get into Singapore Uni. You need the help if your academic like shit. A LOT of people from my "JC" ( I choose not to name the JC) got into Singapore Uni becasue of sports and $$$.

Me: hmm.

That person: Just practice your tennis, don't need to study too hard one I tell you. $$$ and sports gets you farrrrrrrr.

Me: --- no response, just continue staring into space---

SMU Obligato and Ivory Keys, Seasons of Time (20th January 2009)

2009-01-22T10:04:00.000+08:00

This would be the second time I went into Jubilee Hall.

The first impression Jubilee Hall gave to me when I went in for the first time in 2007 is that, Jubilee Hall is a hall with a classic proscenium stage with really old decor. And somehow, it reminds me of this school concert hall I saw in London.

However, going in as a performer, the feeling is totally different. Jubilee Hall might look grand, but it is a real intimate performance area. The stage would be considered small, the depth of the stage would be considered all right since it coul take up to 3 desks of cellos and 2 double basses. , The width could only allow us to put One conductor podium and stand, 3 desks of Violin 1 and another 3 desks of Violin 2. The desk 4 and 5 of Violin 2 had to be seated in the area between the Violin 2 and Cello section.

The backstage is small, and there were only 3 dressing rooms, and the toilets had only 2 cubicles each. The dressing rooms were small, but it was alright since most of us went to the toilet to change. The one thing that remained throughout the whole Jubilee Hall and the backstage would be the decor. They hall had these big "french windows" with stained glass, and in the dressing room, we had similar windows, just without the glass. The toilets had the same type of windows as well; and they were pretty windows. And the whole place looked very european and very 19th century; but I like it nevertheless.

The whole concert was AWESOME. We had awesome players, awesome conductor and great audiences. Ivory Keys played for the first half of the concert with Piano duets, one Soloist which played Tchaikovsky "The Seasons: February" and a Quintet playing Schumann's Piano Quintet. The second half consisted of one more Piano duet, and then another Quintet playing "Sweet Sampan" a composition by Obligato's Concert Master.

Then it finally came to the last 2 songs of the concert played by the whole Obligato.

1. Pavene By Maurice Ravel

2. St Paul's Suite By Gustav Holst

It was two short pieces, but the rush of exhilaration and enthusiasm by everyone in Obligato was simply overwhelming. Everyone was so ready play and were all very excited as we were standing at the backstage waiting for "Sweet Sampan" to finish. The concert ended great and the audiences were cheering; which is always a good sign.

I was exhausted after the concert and spent the whole night sleeping like a log. But I am really happy, and the feeling of a successful concert is just so "__________". I cannot really find a word for it, but it is the mixture of exhilaration, exhaustion, excitedness, happiness, and every other verb that goes along the lines. :D

Anyway, that also marks the end of my "Concert Season" for this month. Seems like the next performance would have to be the Republic Polytechnic's Student Life Activities Fiesta in APRIL. Till then, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

SP classical Renaissance IX (11th January 2009)

2009-01-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

My first performance at NAFA Lee Foundation Theatre.

The hall is more intimate as compared to "Victoria Concert Hall" but at the same time, it is grander as compared to the hall at the "Young Musicians Society"; and I really do like the in between feel for the hall. To me, it was definitely suitable for the size of String Ensemble that night.

At the very first rehearsal there, the ensemble which was really loud in SP's dance studio suddenly became very soft, and the players were all staring at the ceiling looking very fascinated with the whole hall. But after one run-through, everyone seemed less distracted. So probably people already got used to the stage.

Overall, it was a great performance, the songs might not show off a lot of techniques, but they were definitely more engaging and easier for audiences to listen to as compared to challenging classical pieces. :)

A whole month of Performances

2009-01-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

7th Janauary 2009; Republic Polytechnic Open House, Busking @ Cafe Galilee

11th January 2009; Singapore Polytechnic Classical Renaissance IX @ NAFA Lee foundation theatre

20th Januay 2009; SMU, Obligato with Ivory Keys, Seasons of time @ Jubilee Hall

No matter how heavy my violin and the combined amount of scores are, I have been carrying them around. From Woodlands to Dover, Woodlands to City Hall and basically; all over the place. However, strangely enough, with all the packed rehearsals and violin carrying-around, I am happier as comapared to the days which I had not so many performances!

"Atas" water

2009-01-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

Apparently, people say that I am drinking ATAS bottled water.

Atas (Malay language; colliqual definition) : High-class, expensive and exclusive, nice, etc.

Basically Atas means something along those line. But I never knew bottled water could be categorised as "atas". Not until this morning. When a bottle of Evian Water is called "Atas" water. So every other bottled water in the same price range of Evian is apparently labeled ATAS!

Gullible?

2009-01-05T04:33:00.000+08:00

The 4th of January 2009.

Either today is "Gillian is Gullible day!" or "Go prank Gillian day!"

Today, I felt gullible for FIVE times, within one evening. To top it off, I kept reminding not to be too trusting. But unfortunately, I still was. Anyway, because I am kind of lazy to type out all the FIVE encounters, I will pick only ONE of the most silly thing I trusted.

A certain someone I know downloads videos to watch from a certain programme/website. And the first time I asked about it, I remembered the person mentioning it was free. But of course the last time I asked her was in 2007 April. So today, we were talking about watching "Gossip Girl" on the computer and I was telling the certain someone that I only have until Season Two Episode 11. And so the conversation went as follows:

Certain Someone (CS): I dl tmr and pass to you ep. 12, 13 & 14 becasue 14 is coming out tmr

Me (G): OK! THANK YOU! (:

CS: No prob

G: Where you download it frm anw?

CS: just use __programme/website name____

CS: i just dl and pass to you lah $2 per show

G: woah. all you dl must be very expensive. I'll pay you tmr when I see you

CS: JUST KIDDING! IT'S FREE! I JUST CHARGE YOU $2 to help you dl! Hhahahahahhaha

G: Ok. I pay you tmr.

CS: NO NEED! JUST KIDDING! IT IS TOTALLY FREE! I won't charge you to hlp you dl! silly!

G: ooookkkkk. AGAIN. you're the fifth person today!

There you have it. Today is Gillian is SUPER GUlLIBLE day. Oh, how I'm loving it. So much.

Whining and Ranting

2009-01-05T02:14:00.000+08:00

I used to be a competitive sports player, but I guess because of injuries and my parents worrying about the injuries; I have changed to become more of a music player. However, there is one thing in common between the two things that I love. That one thing common is the hatred for the feeling of losing. You might be wondering why it is just the feeling of and not literally losing; simply put; I can compete against not so experience and win by a bare margin. Some people call that winning, but I call that the feeling of loss. It is not literally losing, but the fact that I only won by a bare margin is considered losing.

When I was younger and a lot less "matured", my sports equipment were scratched, tennis ball counts went lower because of my irrational throwing around. At least now, with the musical instruments and the realisation of the price of both the musical instruments and sports equipments, they all get saved from torture. In other words they get a reprieve.

My parents and people around me used to tell me that it is all right to lose because losing means an experience gained in competition. But I never believed in that. I do not believe that there are people out there who compete for the sake of experience and who compete without the attitude of wanting to win. I am sure that even younger children going for their very first competition will want to win something. With that, I have never liked the feeling of losing. Full stop. No explanation needed. However, of course, people would always console me by telling me it is ok and that I should try again. But to me, it is never "Ok to lose" and there is no such thing as "You are not to blame".

There is always one category of "reasons for losing" which I hear a lot; including from myself. That is the blaming of every other object and/or person and/or condition but oneself.

For example in sports people blame things from the weather, the amount of sun shining in their eyes while they are on one side of the tennis court all the way to the noise made by the spectators and the polish of the bowling lanes. In music, people blame also the condition of the music halls, the enthusiasm of the spectators, and even the music instruments.

However, as I start growing up, I realise that all the reasons there are really just crappy reasons. Because I believe that as a sports player and a musician, there are not really that many things and/or people to blame other than myself. As I realise all the crap reasons I gave, I also learnt that there are only two reasons worth accepting.

1. I played on the court like crap or I played my musical instruments like crap because I downright did not put any effort into practicing or playing it on the day itself.

2. Secondly, I might have played like a pro or produced my music without a score, with emotions, dynamics and no mistake; but I still lost. I do not see anyone to blame in this situation, not even myself or the opponents. As for my mum, she blames this on luck; so you can do that if you want to.

I guess the reason why I am writing on this blog is that I get to say things that I want to say in ways not everybody can accept and mainly for ranting and whining. But Hey! It is my space on the internet. I don't see why I should be restricted (: All I can say that this blog will only get more interesting as time passes, as I learn to cope with successful performances and use them to make-up for the fact that I am not able to do sports competitively at this moment or anytime soon.